This September, the drag and gender performers of Hot Metal Hardware brought us the black and gold and rainbow extravaganza known as YINZplosion. Gathered for you here are some of the most Pittsburgh snapshots from a very Pittsburgh stage. Join me as we journey through these (black and) golden moments.
STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT SPORTS
🎵 Take me out to the ball game, Take me, I wanna get plowed 🎵
Pittsburghers, we like sports. Personally, I haven’t been to a baseball game in a while. Is… is this baseball? …Is this how it works? Why haven’t I been playing more baseball?
STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT FOOD
Get inside me, Potato Pete
Who doesn’t love pierogies? Who doesn’t love Primanti’s? And now I’m faced with sexy people running around in pierogi costumes and nae-on fucking a Primanti Bros sandwich? This is actually the least weird time I’ve gotten a boner from my food.
MORE STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT FOOD
A visit from Smiley the Cockie
Okay, here’s how this went:
“Oh, he’s Smiley, how cute!” 🙂
“That costume is adorbs.” 🙂
“Love this so–OH MY GOODNESS” 😲
“Oh god” 👀
“SMILEY WHAT THE HELL” 👀
ENOUGH WEIRD STUFF. LET’S SEE SOME NICE, WHOLESOME ZOMBIES
Your body starts to shiver / For no mere mortal can resist / The sick dance moves of the thriller
Am I right in thinking all of Pittsburgh, on some level, totally gets Tiny Belcher’s sexy zombie fetish? If not, Mo Rider and some classic MJ could get you there.
CONTEMPT FOR DONALD TRUMP
Pay no attention / To the man behind the curtain / He’s a brainless, heartless, coward / With no power / That’s just another trick of his / He ain’t no wiz so don’t feed his fire
Let’s let the man from Oz tell us more.
LOVE FOR MISTER ROGERS
More like MC Rogers, am I right?
Honestly I feel like this number encapsulated how baller I feel when I tell people I’m literally from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.
“You love Mister Rogers? YEAH WELL I KNEW MISTER ROGERS.”
“Well not really, no. But my sister went to school with his grandson?”
“…Anyways I really love Mister Rogers.”
A WORLD MADE OF STEEL
All alone I have cried / Silent tears full of pride / In a world made of steel, made of stone…
Drum beats! Cymbals! Take your Passion! And make it happen! Pictures come alive you can dance right through your life… Sorry I forgot to write something. These are just lyrics. But sometimes 80s pop can really hit home, ya’know?
AND THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE! Too many gold glittery private parts for one listicle article, folks. You’ll just have to come see Hot Metal Hardware for yourselves, first Fridays at Cruze. Next up: Friday the 13th Hallowversary, a seven deadly sins seven year anniversary show.
See you there!
OH WAIT PS: THAT T-SHIRT